ONCE upon a time there was a large, seething, huddled mass of humanity, affectionately known as City.
A beautiful place full of concrete, asphalt and smog, City is a haven of in-Equality, Opp-ression and Conform-ITY. In fact, the national crest of City proudly bears the words: in-Equality, Opp-Ression, Conform-ITY.
There are three distinct ethnic groups in City. The dominant ones are called Boo. They can be identified from certain genetic traits such as their condescension for the other two groups; and their breath, which smells perpetually of sushi, French toast and Dubai.
The second group are the Proles. They are, according to a respectable English daily of City “the worst dregs of humanity to grace the earth. Slow, stupid and sluggish, Proles wouldn’t appreciate culture if it slapped them in the face after biting their behind. The poor animals spend their short, harsh days searching for Work and Food. This newspaper firmly believes that if they can not find Food they should eat Caviar, like the Boo do.” The Proles smell of hunger, fatalism and something that many have said bears an uncanny resemblance to the spit of the Boo.
The constituents of the third group are called WoMen. They are told from birth that the purpose of their existence is to be a source of Pleasure for Men. They try to do this by buying excessive quantities of exotic products called MakeUp and AnoreXiaNerVosa with which they hope to attract Men so that they can take them for mates and then be put to work in Work-Houses as House-Wives.
The people of City, like all good monotheists, worship one God. He is affectionately called CapitAL. CapitAL has laid down some Command-Ments that the people of City must follow religiously.
ONE: “WoMen are Slav-es.” (a) They must make Sand-Witches in the Kit-Chen and work 24-hour shifts as House-Wives for no pay. (b) At all times, more than 99% of the property in City must be controlled by Men. All heil CapitAL!
TWO: “in-Equality is E-quality.” (a) Only the Boo are fit to Rule. They are more HuMan than the Pro because they learn HuMan-ITY at Country-Clubs, Private-Schools and via Face-Twitter. (b) The Boo are to be paid at least 999,000,000,000,000,000 times more than the Pro because they are smarter, more intelligent and have larger brains. They deserve it because they were born to be Boo and because they go to Private-Schools where they become HuMan. All heil CapitAL!
THREE: “Conform-ITY is Life.” (a) Those who rebel in the name of accursed Individual-ITY must be put to death. Do not let pity move you. ‘Tis CapitAL’s Will. (b) School’s are to be factories of Conform-ITY. If any child does not Conform, he is to be labelled a Retard-LosER and put to sleep. All heil CapitAL!
City is chronically religious. It is dotted with temples to CapitAL. These temples are called Ban-KS. High priests worship at the temples from 9-5 everyday, sacrificing the blood of the Proles in their admirable, selfless quest to appease their God.
And now, some words on the curse of Individial-ITY. In every generation, some children are born who try their hardest to break the ancient, venerable tradition of Conform-ITY. If born as Proles, these vile rebels try their hardest to keep their hearts alive and not let the drudgery of every day life reduce them to mere flesh and bone. They refuse to be commodities, to be bought and sold by the Boo, preferring instead to live a blasphemous version of Life, where they do not obey the Command-Ments of CapitAL.
A good Boo child is brought up to know the cost of everything and the value of nothing, but a Retard-LosER child is less than HuMan because it feels that society is unfair and unjust and so this abomination is either put to sleep or exiled. If a Wo-Man she is made to watch episodes of Gossip-Wo-Men until brainwashed or until she dies of brain haemorrhage.
Some axioms of City merit mention:
First, the Axiom of Tautology: “Those who Work, acquire nothing; those who acquire anything, do not Work.”
Second, the Axiom
of NonSen: “The Boo are the Boo for the benefit of the Proles.”
Third, the Axiom of BullSh: “Political power is to be defined as merely the organized tyranny of one group over another.”
A peculiar trend among the inhabitants of City is that they all believe the year to be perpetually 1984. Also, some make mysterious, cryptic references to an Animal Farm, though most of those who do are promptly shut up in asylums where they are fed on a strict diet of Functionalism and FOX News.
Many of the Boo keep pets. The animals are fed on Food. It is a crime of the gravest order to let a pet die of starvation within the borders of City.
Every night, before going to bed, Boo
children whisper a special prayer on their pets. It has been passed down, from generation to generation, for thousands of years.
“All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others.”